An Albatross

So, since I'm sitting down by the ocean for the week, it seems fitting that I should, this rainy morning, be dealing with an albatross. This albatross has shadowed me for my whole life. It will continue to follow me and you would think that after 44+ years, I would have learned to embrace it. But I continue to dance with it. Here's how the dance goes.

Well ... first, some back story, so you know what the albatross is. I have a big mouth. I talk too much. I say things that end up hurting others feelings, shaming them, embarrassing them, etc. When I was a child, I got called all sorts of lovely names that went along with this albatross so I would know when I was out of line. One of the wonders of public education in this country ... it's why we send our kids to school, so they can be "socialized." Terrorized. But that's for another post. So I learned that there were times that I should keep my mouth shut ... but I was rebellious about it. Eventually, I came to understand how hurtful words could be (that old saw about sticks and stones is a load of crap), and put my mouth under lock and key of my own accord. But here's the problem. It doesn't stay that way. My feelings override my good sense and I say things that hurt others and I continue this dance with my albatross. It is ongoing. I hate this about myself

So yesterday my brickfriend posted something that hit a nerve. I'm old enough now to know better. I'm old enough now to have enough good sense to know when to shut up. But apparently I do not. And I said too much (AGAIN) and I said things that caused him shame and embarrassment and pain. So, there's nothing I can do now except make a public apology for this mouth, and mostly for those words which cause such pain to others. I am so sorry.